Couple's Page

Audrey facilitates couples in healing childhood wounding while reclaiming their original wholeness. In keeping with Harville Hendrick's teachings on spiritual relationship all committed relationships have three stages. The romantic stage, the power struggle stage and ultimately real love. Private sessions and group trainings facilitate the couple through the power struggle stage, the fight or flight stage of committed relationship on the journey to real love.

PranaTantra-Relationships

Q. What is Conscious Relationship training?

A. Tantra philosophy recognizes the world is the stage for divine Mother energy to manifest in all forms of realities. Relationships are an integral part of life. Any relationship you embrace, especially in the form of intimate loving relationship, such as husband, wife, parent, employer, employee, teacher, student, provides a stage for transformation. What is required is acceptance of everything as it presents in your field of awareness without collapsing into habitual reactive responses when they automatically get triggered by your past wounding. It’s the place to practice PranaTantra-Yoga off the mat. PranaTantra practice belongs in every part of our existence.

Q. How does it play out in the day to day realities of relationship when triggers get activated all the time?

A. All intimate relationships provide a profound opportunity to turn the habitual reactions triggered by attachment and rejection and struggle into an opportunity to accept the presenting reality. The purpose of intimate relationships is to trigger the unconscious, unresolved, and un-integrated parts of us, not to aggravate unhealed wounds but to bring them to our conscious awareness for healing and integration. Intimate relationship acts as a mirror showing us everything about us. They reveal our unhealed childhood wounds that act and react out of the ego-self-image’s struggle to maintain control. In PranaTantra-Relationship awareness, we come to recognize that conscious relationships, where we accept what is as is, not only reveal where we need to grow; they also reveal our greatest divine potential. Just as we earnestly try to experience only the parts of our self that we like and approve of, we only want to experience the parts of the other that we like and approve of too. As we practice though, we begin to recognize the divinity in ourselves and in the other. PranaTantra consciousness brings us the opportunity to integrate the hidden, suppressed and denied parts of ourselves. We are repeatedly given the opportunity to release stored response patters that require chunks of frozen prana to maintain, thus freeing up blocked energy. Once we start to meet our authentic self, we then start to see the other as they are. Until then we act out of our struggling self-image and see only their struggling self-image. All relationships serve as a mirror and though we are unaware of it, they serve as a stage to explore and experience the very depths of our self.

Q. What if it doesn’t feel safe to expose the parts that are hidden, suppressed and denied?

A. It probably won’t feel safe. That is why commitment in intimate relationship is essential. Intimate relationships serve as a vehicle to heal wounded parts of each party, and each party has an equal and opposite un-healed wound dovetailing with the other. Shedding light on the struggling ego self-image can and does play out as dramas, often acting out as raging screaming matches unleashing terror and shame.

Q. What about the raging screaming matches? ‘Doesn’t sound very “spiritual” to me

A. It’s Catharsis. It may look like breaking down, but when guided by integrative intention it is a vehicle to breaking through. With integrative intention Catharsis provides an opportunity to examine the old reactive defensive pattern that is again presenting - and once examined and accepted we can re-integrate that hidden, lost or denied part of our self that is in defense. In PranaTantra-Relationship, which is a path to conscious relationship, you learn to honor and accept your first reaction, no matter how explosive. You further learn to pause before further reacting to that initial reaction. Then it becomes an opening and an opportunity to unravel the outdated reactive pattern and turn it into a conscious response. Each time you consciously examine the first reaction you shed the light of consciousness on the very issue you are re-activating. It is in the light of consciousness that the old wound heals releases and frees up a chunk of frozen prana.

Q. That sounds great in theory. In a marriage, my marriage for example, it feels like my partner is unwilling to grow and I’m constantly called upon to “get off it”

A. Yes, it will feel like that because in PranaTantra you are called by yourself to “get off it”, to quit identifying with the “it” that is disturbing you. Each time we falsely identify with the “it” in question and use it as a platform for a “position” rather than as an opportunity to experience the feelings associated with the disturbance, we feed our ego self-image and make it stronger. We add to the trapped frozen prana as we hold on to our self-defeating position. In PranaTantra-Relationship awareness, yes, of course we do react, but instead of reacting further to that initial reaction and spiraling into deeper reactive disturbance, we accept what is presenting as a vehicle for growth. Eventually we see that all the different relationships we find ourselves in are not really separate from us at all. Ultimately there is only one relationship for any of us and that is the relationship we have with the Self. We play different roles in our lives, and each role can be a spiritual practice when we use it to bring about deeper integration and connection to our Source.

Q. What about choosing a solitary life over intimate relationship?

A. You will grow in isolation. You can choose to be separate and keep the buttons that re-activate your childhood wounds safely tucked away so no-one can push on them, or you can choose love and intimacy. Neither is better than the other. In isolation the ego self-image can turn so far inward identifying with itself, that the realities don’t fit with society any more. In intimate relationship with another it may feel like a risk because everything you have avoided suppressed and denied as a result of your childhood wounding will resurface in the relationship. Here we are talking about intimate relationship, not isolation. Commitment is therefore absolutely necessary. If you want to move from superficial relationships which flatter your ego self-image to the experience of real love which brings up everything unlike itself, your commitment to the loving relationship becomes the commitment to your spiritual growth. Committed relationship brings up everything unhealed in you that block your relationship to the source of love within you.

Q. You keep saying commitment? To who? For what?

A. Commitment to the acceptance of yourself however you show up through the vehicle of committed loving relationship. Acceptance of yourself evolves through acceptance of the reflection you see in the significant other. In order to initiate freedom from your wounded childhood past you first have to accept where you are and it always facilitates the process to think of the other as a mirror. Only then can you enter into integrative healing relationship with yourself and the other. If you want inner harmony and love, you first must disengage from reacting to your own blocked energy. That is what blocks us from the love we seek. Reacting to the blocks strengthens the blocks, traps more prana and blocks us even more.

Q. I entered relationship for safety and peace and security. You are describing struggle and pain and insecurity

A. In the process we will feel real vulnerability and pain because we must revisit the original pain we suppressed and is now stuck in our energy body’s cellular memory. This requires absolute commitment to the process. So in PranaTantra-Relationship all exit doors must close. The closing of exits confirms the commitment so that when fight and flight hormones are triggered by an interaction with another, and the ego self-image feels threatened, and the immediate impulse to bolt or fight flares up, it is contained within the commitment to heal.

Q. So does confrontation present as a healing elixir in relationship?

A. I would say catharsis rather than confrontation. Confrontation implies looking outward for the source of our pain rather than looking in the mirror, accepting what is and releasing attachment to the past while feeling everything. Catharsis with integrative intention presents the opportunity for self-examination. Without the self-examination that catharsis offers, we would be forever at the reactive mercy of our suppressed pain and fear. It doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about relationship with friends, family members, colleagues or lovers; the healing opportunities are there.

Tools; mirror, validate, empathize, support,balance and stretch
One requirement, commitment.

Private sessions with Audrey

$75 per hour per couple. Call 508-740-9870 for appointment

For new and returning couples in committed relationship
Receive and use tools to stay and remain consciously in committed relationship.

Audrey Pearson Ph.D Metaphysician

Professional Memberships :American Counseling Association (ACA) Association for Spiritual, Ethical, and Religious Values in Counseling (ASERVIC)
International Association for marriage and Family Counseling (IAMFC)

Conscious Relationship Training based Article …

Why does Love always turn into a power struggle? Read on!

Remember when you met your partner? Remember the excitement, those tingling feelings that got you all tongue tied?
Remember too the feeling like you'd known this person for ever; perhaps you'd even had past lives together?
Remember when this "soul mate" seemed to be able to finish your sentences for you and read your thoughts and how then these things felt comforting to you?
Well, what happened? Why are the same things that endeared them to us now driving us crazy?

For most of human history romantic relationships never lead to marriage.

The only 'marriages' were arranged by families to keep the wealth secure within the clans. The idea of marrying for love didn't exist. Marrying for love would have been considered foolish, everyone knew romantic 'love' didn't last. It was generally considered acceptable to have lovers for romance, and the arranged marriage for the propagation of the wealth and the family. For romance, one enjoyed a lover and promptly ended the relationship as soon as it became a struggle.

The "power struggle" really came into play when the much more modern idea of marrying for romantic "love" became the accepted norm.

We have come to know that the power struggle stage is a powerful stage in loving relationships, with a purpose never before realized.

All love relationships have three evolutionary stages, the romantic love stage, the power struggle stage and ultimately real love, conscious relationship.
Most couples never get past the power struggle. We either avoid the power struggle stage by leaving the relationship, or lead parallel lives within the relationship.
Some couples power struggle with each other for the rest of their lives.

So why does love relationship have to look so unlike love? Because embarking on a committed love relationship is just like embarking on any spiritual path where everything unhealed in our lives is calling to us for acceptance and healing.
Committed relationships can be viewed as a path to freedom. (Now there's a twist for those commitment shy ones.)

A conscious relationship is one where the couple realizes that there are stages on the journey to a conscious union and that the power struggle stage is an opportunity to heal energy blockages resulting from our reactions to wounding suffered in childhood.

Our reaction to perceived childhood wounding resulted in reactionary coping behaviours. We developed behaviours that protect, hide, abandon, loose and reject our wounded self in favor of a false self image we pray will be acceptable.

We are all wounded in one way or another, leaving us feeling isolated and alone. Out of our wounding we wound and re-wound each other, often without even knowing it.

So we go about searching for wholeness, for real love.
As we mature into adulthood, Nature supports us in finding a partner with just the right dovetailing character adaptations and reactions to childhood wounding that we need to re-visit and heal our own childhood wounds.

It's during the romantic stage of adult love relationship when the couple feels whole, safe and alive, because they are each embodying the missing, hidden and lost parts of each other.
The dovetailing effect of embodying each others missing parts, which is so comforting in the beginning stages, becomes a source of fear and struggle later in the relationship. Our coping behaviors for our wounding dovetail also. The resulting pain of this dovetailing is the source of much of the power struggle. Examples pack rat/clean freak; extrovert/introvert.

The attraction of romance bonds the partners into relationship in order to do the real work of love relationships which is to graduate from living in reaction to childhood and be here now.

The 'wounded selves' sense in the partner the qualities needed to heal the wounds left over from childhood, so that together the couple can journey from an unconscious relationship to a conscious relationship.
Only then can they consciously journey through the power struggle to real love.
The power struggle intensifies as soon as the couple settles into commitment.
The power struggle stage of relationship feels extremely threatening because what we need in order to feel whole is exactly what we were denied in childhood, and what we need most is what our partners are least able to give.
Why?
Because of the dovetailing wounding.

For most of us in the power struggle it looks and feels like our partner is deliberately trying to hurt us. What looks and feels like an attack is in fact our partner's coping behavior in response to their reactions to their childhood wounding, dovetailing with our own coping behavior.

Daring to trust that our partner will give us the nurturing and unconditional love our care givers were unable to give, leaves us feeling vulnerable and afraid that we will be abandoned, rejected, neglected, disregarded, abused or
whatever the original wounding was, all over, again and again.

The power struggle will show up in every committed love relationship,
so it makes sense to work through the one you are in.
Of course it's possible to grow without being in a committed relationship, but if you choose committed relationship, you will attract a partner with dovetailing wounding in order to heal the wounds that blocked your freedom of expression as a child.

During the power struggle stage of adult relationship the wounds left over from childhood flare up and hinder us and our partner from experiencing the relaxation of real love. We begin to see our beloved as the antagonist!

The good news is, while it appears as conflict it is actually healing wanting to happen! It is important to note that the very character adaptations we put in place to protect us while growing up are now being called upon to let go! They no longer serve us.

Realizing that the purpose of the power struggle stage is to heal the reactionary behavior to wounds sustained while growing up, and understanding the need for the dovetailing effects of each persons childhood wounding, opens a space for real communication, real empathy, real safety, real healing on the journey to real love relationship.

That doesn't mean that differences disappear, no, differences are always present. What changes is your reaction to the differences.
You can respect the differences, feel unthreatened by them, and realize there’s no need to change anything.
You'll notice with practice that it’s your reactions to the differences that changes.
You'll be present and in a conscious relationship.

The power struggle is an evolutionary stage on the journey to a conscious relationship..

Article by Audrey Pearson (Devdasi) and James Pearson (Mohan)
Inspired by their clinical training in imago relationship studies, 1995. The above article was published in the Spirit of Change Magazine circa approximately 1997.

Workshop curriculum is based on Audrey & James 1995 practice and studies in Imago Relationships© as developed by Harville Hendrix PhD, author of “Getting the Love You Want”. Also based on their direct study with Sandra Ray and Bob Mandel in (LRT) Loving Relationships Training 1988-91 and largely through their study and practice with BruceCrapushetts and Francine Beauvoir of the Passadena Institute for Relationships.

Audrey & James developed and then practiced this combined methodology as a couple in a clinical setting from 1991-1995 when Devdasi opened MA based Yogapathways serving as a Center for Yoga and Reiki and Conscious Relationships.

Conscious Relationship workshops are taught by Audrey & James Pearson at their Center for Enlightenment in Marlborough MA

Trainings and sessions provide the tools to guide Committed Couples from an unconscious relationships to a conscious loving relationship.